beben-eleben:

1. Live Without Expectations

Expectations are resentments waiting to happen.  When we expect someone to do something, or make us feel a certain way and they don’t  we usually feel let down, disappointed, and resentful.

One of the biggest expectations out there is the happiness expectation.  Especially with romantic partners, we want  someone (really, we expect them to) make us happy.

Then when the shiny newness of the relationship wears off and we start feeling unhappy again (because we have not figured out that we need to make ourselves happy), we resent them for it.  We feel they are to blame.

Don’t expect anyone to do anything for you.  Even on your birthday.  If you want a special day, create one for yourself.  Go ahead, make the reservations at your favorite restaurant, buy yourself flowers.

Plan a great day for yourself and if other people do something special for you, then that only makes it even more wonderful.

It sure beats sitting at home, resenting the fact that you are not being treated as the queen you are.

Don’t expect others to find something important just because you do.

2. Set Boundaries

Boundaries are about you.  They are not to be used as punishment.   They are about protecting your peace.

Maybe discussing politics with your father always leads to a fight.  You could set a boundary that you will no longer discuss politics with him.

Decide what you will do if the boundary is crossed.  Maybe go for a walk, change the subject, or cut the visit short.

The next step is to inform the other person about the boundary beforehand.

You might say something like “Dad, I love you and you know I want to spend time with you.  However, whenever we discuss politics it always turns into a shouting match.  That is why I have decided that I can no longer talk about politics with you.  If the subject does come up, I will change the subject or leave if I have to.”

3. Put Down the Magnifying Glass and Pick Up the Mirror

We seem to have no problem finding faults in others.  We could probably make a list of the things that bug us about our boss, our spouse, our brother, etc.

Here’s the thing though.  If there is repeated pattern of behavior that bothers us about somebody, we need to look inside ourselves.

Usually a characteristic that we find off-putting in someone else is also something we are trying to deny about ourselves.

You may be saying “no way, I don’t act like that at all”.  Okay, you may not manifest it in exactly the same way.  But I bet if you take the time and dig deep you will find a relationship to something you don’t like about yourself.

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Leave without expectations, Use ‘I’ Statements, Bite your tongue

The most important thing is the effort. As long as we are striving to improve then that means we still care.